Last Post

The taxi arrives in an hour!

While travelling I can still be contacted at my email address:

purple 6 AT optushome DOT com DOT au

Wednesday

*rocks back and forth*

Three hours of work to go... three hours of work to go....

Woooo

Halfway through my second large coffee of the day. NO attention span whatsoever. Stinkywork. *bounce*

Maybe I should cut back on the caffeine.....

No way! Wheeeee!

Three Sleeps and No Motivation

I don't want to be at work. I want to be on my way to the United States! I have today and tomorrow at work, one day off and then we're off. How in heck am I supposed to maintain even a basic level of professionalism?

Blahblahblah client services blahblahblah

Where did I put my iPod?

Oops

How did that week go by so quick?? We're in the thick of organisational stress here at the Peeve house. Tickets, money, passport, clothes, shoes, itinerary, housesitter for the cats, letter from the shrink to prove I'm not actually trying to start up my own Prozac import business, tidying house so housesitter doesn't flee in terror, getting haircut, loading iPod for plane trip, sheesh.....

I bought a new audio recording to load onto my iPod on the weekend - Kenneth Branagh reading the Diary of Samuel Pepys. I am such a history geek.

Knitting: I did quick dash into the Stitches and Craft fair on the weekend and scored a copy of Folk Vests, two skeins of Colinette Jitterbug and a skein of Tofutsies to try. I've been knitting more scrappy socks because the stress levels are indicating plain stockinette socks in various colours. I've knit two socks in the last week! And no, I haven't taken photos. Cause I am LAME.

And Here We Are at Tuesday Again

Thank you all so much for your comments and well wishes. You understand, you really do, and that helps me more than I can say. This is a train of thought that has been a long time coming, and I'm giving it free reign to rampage around inside my head and give the depression monster something to think about. And, perhaps, to fear... bwahahaahah!

Seriously, though, this is only one of a dozen reasons why I am so very glad that I got a blog!

It is now only ten sleeps until we set off on our World Tour of the US. Bouncebouncebounce!

How early is too early when packing for an overseas trip??

Bad thing for the day: somebody keeps turning out all the lights in the office.
Good thing for the day: I have a large cinnamon latte.


Edited to Add: There will be blogging from the States! I think I'd start twitching if I stayed away from blogging for that long!

And La - yeah, we 'only' have one morning and afternoon! We're gonna have FUN, girl!

Ooh, and one more thing while the caffeine is sustaining me: I'm loading up my ipod for the trip - can anyone recommend some good podcasts?

Warning: Depression Rant Ahead

No yarny goodness today, people! If you want a cheery post, I suggest you go elsewhere! Also, if you are of a nervous disposition or are offended by bad (or as I like to call it, vigorously emphatic) language.

I am so VERY FUCKING SICK of being depressed all the time. I was thinking about trying to get back to 'normal' the other day, and I realised that I have no idea what 'normal' is. I know 'normal' is different for everyone, but I don't know what normal should feel like for me. I don't know what it is or how to get there. It's all very well to try and fight the depression, but shouldn't I know what I'm fighting for?? Shouldn't I have a goal that's better defined than 'not too depressed'?

All this leads, of course, to me questioning my entire identity. If so much of me is made up of depression and anxiety and stress and self loathing - what's left? Would I recognise it if I saw it?

Maybe this is why I'm having so much trouble fighting the depression - I'm fighting for a return to health that I'm not sure I ever had.

I want to get OUT from under this thing, but I don't know how - I don't know how not to be depressed any more. Which is, let's face it, terribly depressing. Is the sum total of my life going to be "Fat and Depressed"?

And why the arseing hell am I dutifully taking my meds for if they're not helping? Lord knows I can be this depressed without chemical aid. Nope, don't need meds to be depressed!

Please don't think this is a request for reassurances or pats on the head - I need to get this off my chest. It's a new line of thinking for me and one I think I need to explore a bit further.

Vignettes From a Train Ride

I cannot BELIEVE you posted a picture of my belly on the internet!!

And now a few thoughts inspired by a recent train trip:

1. To the gentleman in the striking pink tshirt I was sitting next to: Do you smell that way on purpose?? And if so, WHY?

2. To the young man who glared at me for three solid minutes: I was trying to see what the next station was. GET OVER YOURSELF.

3. To the lady of a certain age who pushed past me to get a seat further down the carriage: I don't care if you are older than I am. If you smack me with your bag, I WILL say Ouch and I will say it loudly.

4. To the teenage girl talking loudly on her phone to a friend: If you are seriously discussing career options between two different McDonalds outlets on a crowded peak hour train, people WILL laugh at you. You have no one to blame but yourself.

The Paws, The Paws!

The Lulu Fat Fluffy Paws of Death, close up and personal.
The Marlowe paws of Excrutiating Cuteness.
The Meiko Paws of Prettiness.
The Dorian paws of Oh Dear God They're Taking Me to the Vet Again Aren't They Fight For Your Liiiiife!

For La!

Tomorrow: sundry recent yarn purchases!

My Poor Neglected Babies

Dorian is still looking watchful. We don't know what he's watching for. We suspect he doesn't either. But he looks the part, and that's the important thing.
Meiko is a sight more nervous since we got Marlowe. She rightly fears a heavy grey object could land on her head at any moment. But still cute!
And Lulu remains Supreme Overlord.