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Monday, September 25, 2006

Monday Morning Soul Searching - You Have Been Warned!

I don't like myself. I don't respect myself. When it comes down to it, I really believe that I am not worth my own time or effort. So many of my problems stem from this basic fact!

I've been in a really bad place for most of my holidays - hence the lack of proper blog posts. When I get like this, I withdraw in the belief that nobody's going to notice I'm not there. Which is crap. Obviously.

And I'm so very very tired of feeling like this.

This is what I'm going to tackle once and for all - 33 years is more than enough!

Please don't think I'm fishing for complimentary comments - this is more in the nature of a public pledge!

Perhaps I should take myself out on a date.... Make eyes at myself across a crowded room (difficult, but I'm sure it could be done).... Send myself flowers.....

Alternatively, I could just GET OVER IT and start living my life instead of constantly feeling like I'm enduring it.

I do have some cool stuff to post - yarny goodness! But I have to wait till tonight to take pictures.

Hang in there chaps - my normal mouthy (witty), ranty (well expressed opinions), soppy (I wuv my widdle puddle tats!) self will be back!


Blogger chocolatetrudi said...

Definitely send yourself those flowers. Go on that date. Chat yourself up.

Hmm, I've come to realise that when I reach the point of growling "get over it" to myself, it's the first sign I am getting over it. Does that make sense?

9:04 AM  
Blogger Frarochvia said...

You deserve these things and more. You deserve to be the change you want to see.

And your public declaration is a great first step. More yarn, more flowers, more love.

Thinking of you. DM is a big monkey on the back isn't he?

11:33 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Damn SDM!! I'm sorry it's stalking you again or still. I thought it was so fixated on me it wouldn't bother you. Your declaration is a great place to start - and very brave!!

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Kathleen said...

I am sorry you are feeling so icky. I hope getting it out in the open helps. Do you see someone? I can't begin to tell you how much Zoloft has helped me to cope with the unhappiness (autism) in my life. Hugs to you.

10:33 PM  
Blogger mrspao said...

Hug hug hug.

You are brave and I like you a lot!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Tink said...


Oh girl... I've been there. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn't. But you HAVE to have faith in yourself. Because YOUR world revolves around YOU.

I hope you feel better soon. We all love you.

6:44 AM  
Blogger Kate_knits_a_bit said...

Go for a walk. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Start with something about yourself (personality/character) that you like - try to find another good thing about youself, then another. Takes time and practice, and sometimes it means accepting stuff you don't like or can't change, but there is more to like and love than the negative things currently eclipsing your view of yourself.
There are many many people who wish you well and will lend a hand, ear or shoulder when you need it. Just let them know when you do.
Have courage.

11:10 AM  
Blogger vcollins said...

I sometimes find holidays can be bad, because I lose the day to day structure that work gives me (even when it is crappy) to help me get out of bed, plus I feel pissed off with myself because I feel like I should be enjoying my holiday damnit!
I am really sorry to hear that your holidays have been hijacked by the depression monster. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel better soon. Excellent pledge btw. And I know you were not fishing for compliments, but you definitely are a worthwhile person, who deserves to be happy.


11:23 AM  
Anonymous Amy said...

I don't have anything to offer that the others haven't already said, but hang in there. See? We all like you and think you're hugely valuable in the world.

10:49 PM  
Blogger maryse said...

i'm so sorry you are feeling like this. it sucks, doesn't it.

2:54 AM  

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